So. A bottle full of Mandrax. 30 pills. 30 reasons to dream a long and endless dream and 30 reasons not to dream at all. And here we go: 1st, then the 2nd, 3rd, 4th, what the hell, 6th to 10th all at once. They taste bitter, same as life, and they are pretty hard to chew as well. But as nothing comes fast enough, sometimes we must use some kind of means to speed things up. So JD do your freakin' magic. You can't beat life at it's worst taste, so bottom's up!
"You fuck! If you puke, all this is for nothing. Be a man and swallow it as you did all your life, with your own lame pride or with all your pain. At least now be brave enough and do one thing right. Come on! SWALOW! And the next 10 pills!" The next 10 little bombons lay there on the ground. All at once it's much easier. Chew, samsh, crunch. Swallow.
"Come on son, just stop and think about. This is not the way to put an end to the pain. I know what pain is but this makes us feel the sweet taste of joy, the one we find in small things. God, I wish you knew your dad ..."
"Don't listen to her. You tried all these and it was all for nothing. Your dad was a piece of shit. Not even his mother kept a memory of him. Fuck this small-shit-stuff. Come on, reach your hand for the pills. Take them. Yeah, that's good. A little bit to the left ... ALL! ... Now get the bottle of JW. You kept it like a wise man. This is what you kept it for. Open it and drink ..."
The bottle is empty, I guess, since there is no piss pouring out of it. The eyes are wide shut and the heart is starting to take slow steps. At first beating hard and then starting to fade. Further and further. Coldness and warmth at the same time while the heart stops.
"No son! Don't stept that way. There is no turning back from there. Come on. Stay a little longer here, with me ..."
"Fuck it! Step right up! Well, you know that you are damned for what you did, but come on, hell isn't that bad. Just take that step! Make me proud."
"I'm sorry mom. I just wished you were there for me! You and dad. Like a family. Just to be a normal kid, not a freakin' weirdo with all these issues. And afterall, the heart would cease to do it's job anyway, maybe sooner than I expected. I'm sorry but i got to do this. I love YOU!"